The Punchline

Friday, September 29, 2006

How Well do you know Sports?

Welcome to the first edition of the James Li Sports Quiz. Last week was a busy week of sports and to make sure you understand all the ramifications of everything that transpired, here’s a neat little quiz. Don’t worry: All answers are subjective.

1. The Atlanta Braves was officially eliminated from playoff contention last week, the first time in 14 years they won’t play in the postseason. What does this mean for Braves fans like me?

a) We won’t have to suffer through another disappointing early playoff exit
b) We won’t have to worry about our bullpen blowing up anymore after next week
c) We can start calling the New York Mets “the evil empire”
d) Hey, at least we’re in the same boat as the defending World Series Champions Chicago White Sox

2) When the Oklahoma University President suggested that the Oklahoma-Oregon game be wiped off the record books due to the questionable officiating, the NCAA should have agreed as long as Oklahoma…

a) Agreed to have their record 47-game winning streak in the 1970’s struck from the record books because it occurred before the instant-replay era
b) Apologize for making everybody believe the 2003 team was the “greatest of all time” before their Big 12 championship debacle versus Kansas State
c) Give back all the revenue earned from the 2004 Orange Bowl for embarrassing themselves in a 55-19 loss to USC.
d) Have the Sooner’s entire starting defense dress up in chicken suits and publicly apologize for giving up two touchdown in the last two minutes so easily.

3) When the Houston Texans and Oakland Raiders play each other on December 3, which of the following will most likely happen?

a) The ratings will be lower than that of a WNBA game.
b) Both teams will try as hard as possible to lose so they can draft Brady Quinn… well at least the Raiders will draft Brady Quinn with a No.1 pick.
c) The fans in attendance will want to re-evaluate their life
d) NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell kindly informs both teams before the game that the loser will not be allowed to be an NFL franchise next season.

4) The defending World Champions Chicago White Sox failed to qualify for the playoffs. A consequence of this is that…

a) Baseball fans won’t have the luxury of listening to Ozzie Guillen’s ridiculous ramblings.
b) All my friends who jumped on the White Sox bandwagon last year are free to jump on another bandwagon.
c) A.J. Pierzynski’s teammates won’t have to put up with him for an additional month.
d) It’ll be just like the good old times with the White Sox, Red Sox, and Cubs all watching the World Series from home.

5. With the Europeans earning their 3rd consecutive Ryder Cup Victory over the U.S. this past weekend, we can safely say that…

a) Losing in International Sports Competitions is as American as Apple Pie.
b) Europe takes the biennial golf exhibition way too seriously
c) Apparently, one country cannot beat an entire continent
d) Tiger Woods can’t win every week

Other Notes from the Sports World:

· After their 42-30 loss to the Seattle Seahawks Sunday, New York Giants Tight End Jeremy Shockey said the Giants were “outcoached.” Interestingly Giants Running Back Tiki Barber made the same comment after last season’s playoff loss to the Carolina Panthers. To Giants Head Coach Tom Coughlin: I commend you. It’s nice to see that in this day of age there’s still someone left in the world who will continue to be his own person and not listen to what others think of him. Keep it up Tom! I’m behind you staying true to yourself—which in this case is being a bad coach who players hate.

· Lost in the amazing comeback Notre Dame mustered in their 40-37 win over Michigan State is that the Annual Michigan State Meltdown has officially occurred and college football fans will have to wait another 12 months for the next edition. Unfortunately Spartans Head Coach John L. Smith may be fired at the end of this season, which would deprive us of this great football tradition. Hopefully, a DVD featuring the best of Michigan State Meltdowns during the John L. Smith Era will be produced. I’d pay 20 dollars for it.

· I missed the Clemson-North Carolina game because one of my friends decided it would be a hoot to hold her wedding on the same day. Being the dumb, loyal person I am, I chose wedding over football. The Bible verse read at the wedding was the one from First Corinthians about what love is, making it the 70,000,000,000,000th time in history that verse has been quoted at a wedding. Just for kicks, I’d like to see a passage from Revelations read for a wedding.