Handing out the J-Li Awards

Last weekend's football action was so scintillating that I have to hand out some awards. This is the first time I've ever given out any awards but I'm sure as time goes on, this will be a much more common occurrence. Since Kirk Herbstreit calls his awards the "herbie", I've decided to name my awards the "J-Li." Here are the award-winners in the initial edition of the J-Li ceremony. Understand that a J-Li is an intangible prize so there won't actually be a trophy or any sort of monetary reward that can be picked up. What the award-winners will receive instead will be incredible pride associated with such a prestigious fake honor. Anyways, without further ado, here's your list of winners:

• J-Li for Genius Coaching: New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Bilicheck for absolutely confusing NFL analysts, sportswriters, and the Indianapolis Colts with his gameplan last Sunday night. Everybody in the country thought New England would run at Indianapolis's defense due to the Colt's inability to stop the run but Belichick threw a curve ball by telling the Patriots to pass, pass, and pass. It takes a true genius to realize that since everyone thought the prudent thing was to run against the Colts, passing would be the way to go because nobody would see it coming. Yes, the Patriots lost the game but how was Belichick supposed to know Tom Brady would throw four interceptions? A genius can only do so much.
• J-Li for Model Citizen: Nobody in football receives more flak than Terrell Owens so it's only fair to reward him when he shows class. And what a classy move he did against the redskins Sunday when, after scoring a touchdown, he dropped to the ground and slept on the football like a pillow. Other players in the NFL treat the football with such disrespect by spiking it after touchdowns. T.O. on the other hand respects the ball so much that he would never think to hurt the football by slinging it to the ground but instead cradles it like a pillow to express his love.
• J-Li for Big Game Quarterback: This award goes to Peyton Manning for silencing all the critics who say he can't win when it matters. That's two straight years he's now beaten New England, and on their home field to boot. What more does Manning have to do in order to prove that he doesn't disappear in the most important games? Do critics need Manning to beat the Bears in the regular season as a final test of his clutchness? That's probably it; they need him to beat the Bears too.
• J-Li for Consistency: Michael Vick wins hands-down for his performance against the Lions. After two weeks of stellar passing peformances, Vick shows the world that he still has what it takes to be an ineffective quarteback. Nobody else in the NFL is so consistent at being wildly unpredictable, which is why Vick is by far the most exciting player in the league.
• J-Li for Comeback Performance: This was a close call, with Joey Harrington and Chad Johnson's insanity both making a solid case. But in the end I decided to give this award to Charlie Weis for not being befuddled anymore by the rankings. You really had me worried Charlie because you're supposed to be a great coach and great coaches shouldn't be befuddled by anything. But now that you've finally figured out why your overrated Notre Dame squad isn't higher in the rankings, I can start believing in all your hype again.
• J-Li for Great Fans: People have been telling me for years how awful human beings maryland fans are, but last Saturday before the game I was sitting in a bar and a Maryland fan bought me a drink. Based on that one act of kindness I'm going to make a sweeping generalization and say that all Maryland fans are wonderful, caring, and generous individuals. Way to go Terrapins fans!
• J-Li for Worst Sales Pitch: Hey, did you see the Raider-Seahawks Monday Night Football game? Probably not since it was the lowest-rated Monday Night Football telecast in history. I blame it on the marketing campaign. ESPN should have advertised it better by using catch phrases like "Raiders-Seahawks: The 2002 Super Bowl Runner-Up vs. the 2005 Super Bowl Runner-Up!" or "Andrew Walters Vs. Seneca Wallace: A once-in-a-lifetime Quarterback match-up."